Update - Fights 5 and 6 - HATS!

Ben Dearman
Jun 2, 2016
3 min read

So I just finished my 7th (out of 12) FIGHTS this past Thursday. You haven’t really heard anything from me because I have been so tired.

Like so tired. In fact, today is Tuesday and I have slept more in the last 6 days then I can honestly remember.

That was me.

What happened? What happened to make me SOOO TIRED?

Well…..let’s rewind to post 5th fight.

I felt great AFTER my 5th treatment! In fact, it was the easiest one yet! I had great energy so I worked out 8 out of the 14 days somehow, i.e. I did something every day for at least 20 minutes (sometimes more) that at the very least was an intensity on par with walking up hills. Sometime the work out was a little bit more intense like my “body part and bike” work out.

Perform one minute of an exercise that targets a muscle, then 2 minutes of biking. That was a killer.

But I felt great!

One of my work outs.

Then the 6th treatment hit me. I didn’t do shit after the 6th treatment. Like nothing…no working out. Maybe 2 or 3 walks. Tops. I just laid around.

For someone like me to just lay around and not do anything is akin to torture.

It was the most amount of fatigue I have ever felt. The shitty thing (or maybe not) was that in the middle of those two weeks after the 6th treatment we went to Baltimore for a biz event as well as had my dad and step mom come up to visit.

The Baltimore trip was fun.

Yes, I did wear my mask during the flight.

It was a great change in pace, and I even told Jamie that at one point I forgot a lot of the bull shit I am going through right now.

I felt almost normal.

I love attention. If you know me, that’s no surprise. I love it when people give me their attention, who doesn’t it?!

But I like attention that I deserve, I like attention that makes me feel good.

Having to wear a mask while travelling does not make me feel good nor is it the kind of attention I want.

Is wearing a mask necessary? According to my oncologist it’s a good precaution especially considering that my last blood panels showed I have the immune system of a new born baby.

It’s weird – I have never been afraid of getting sick before and I can’t help but wonder if:

“is this what it’s like?”

Is this what it’s like to be fragile?

Is this what it’s like to be “old”? (whatever that really means any more.)

Is this what it’s like to live your life in fear of the unknown?

I want to be healthy again.

My Doc, put the fear into me.

“Is there anything I should look out for doc?”

“Crowds. Coughing. Wash your hands after touching anything. Sanitize your hands after shaking hands with anyone. A fever of 100 means immediately go to the hospital where ever you are.”

Ok Doc. Where’s my mask!?

People talk about depression as not having the energy to get out of bed.

I had the energy to get out of bed – but I didn’t have the desire or energy to get off the couch.

I don’t really know why the 6th FIGHT hit me so hard, other then:

Every time you go through chemo it’s a different experience.
I kicked my ass after the 5th treatment.
I am over half way done and it’s all cumulative.

I plan on doing two things moving forward:

Drop my activity down.
Take more naps if I am tired.

I tend to forget that while I may look good and feel ok, my body is literally fighting for its life right now and I need to appreciate that more.

I also did a little experiment…mostly because I was too tired to give a shit.

I stopped taking ALL of my supps (normally I take D, a gender specific multi, fish oil, magnesium and probiotics) – that resulted in muscle spasms and craps so I am back on them.

I wanted to see how much (if any) two weeks off of activity and essentially bed rest would do to my resting heart rate.

LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU ALL! My resting HR (arguably one of the key indicators of overall cardiovascular health) went from a resting HR of under 60 to a resting HR of OVER 80!

That’s a 30% loss in only 2 weeks of inactivity! Now…granted, none of you were as sedentary as I was, but that’s still a pretty good lesson to look at – two weeks of zero activity can drastically change your resting HR and in turn how your body responds to physical stress.

But…I did buy some kick ass hats! I didn't buy all of those...one. Plus a super comfortable Red Sox hat.